Perfecting your Pitch Paragraph

Date: Thursday August 28, 2008
Posted in: Writer's Toolbox

Try the title of this post 5 times fast. (Come on, I know you wanna…)

Been discussing pitch paragraphs with my super awesome critique group. Given that authors will forever have to write these things, whether trying to snag an editor or agent for your work or providing copy for a catalogue, might as well embrace the process. (or at least try to understand it)

So, I thought I’d take a look at a couple of popular picture books (cause let’s face it, picture books rock!) and deconstruct what goes into crafting a perfect pitch paragraph (p-tuh!) and offer up my new perspective (pa-tooey!) here for your perusal. (pa-choo!)

Here are a few examples of great picture book ‘hooks':


Fancy Nancy By Jane O'Connor Illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser

Meet Nancy, who believes that more is ALWAYS better when it comes to being fancy. From the top of her tiara down to her sparkly studded shoes, Nancy is determined to teach her family a thing or two about being fancy.

How Nancy transforms her parents and little sister for one enchanted evening makes for a story that is funny and warm — with or without the frills.


Walter, the Farting Dog by William Kotzwinkle: Book Cover

Warning: This book may cause flatulence. Walter is a fine dog, except for one small problem: he has gas. He can’t help it; it’s just the way he is. Fortunately, the kids Billy and Betty love him regardless, but Father says he’s got to go! Poor Walter, he’s going to the dog pound tomorrow. And then, in the night, burglars strike. Walter has his chance to be a hero. Destined to become a children’s classic, this story will have kids rolling on the floor with laughter. Adults are permitted to laugh too.

Both examples give a strong sense of character/conflict/hint of outcome and we really get the personality of the book in the descriptions.

character: Nancy likes to be fancy
conflict: She’s determined to make the rest of her family fancy, too
hint of outcome: The enchanted evening turns out differently than we might expect
personality: Frilly descriptive language, fancy, tiara, sparkly just like the book

character: Walter is a fine dog
conflict: But he farts too much and that’s a problem for Father
hint of outcome: Walter turns his flatulence into something unlikely positive.
personality: Funny, irreverent, like an inside joke between the author and the reader, just like the book.

So, it seems to me that when perfecting your pitch paragraph (pes-ghetti!) your goal is to distill your story in three to five sentences with these three things (character/conflict/hint of outcome) in mind while maintaining the personality of the story in the pitch.

Christy asks (hi Christy!) if I could include the pitch for ACADIAN STAR. This is the copy on the Nimbus website. Let’s see how well it fits into my, erm, theory:


The Acadian Star competition is the biggest thing to ever happen in Meg Gallant’s small Cape Breton town. Meg dreams of performing onstage with her best friend Nève. If they’re lucky, they might even make it to the finals in Halifax. But Meg’s weird old aunt, Tante Perle, has been acting stranger and stranger-and just before the finale of the competition, she whisks Meg away from everything she knows. Meg suddenly finds herself trapped in the time of the tragic Acadian Deportation-and she has to choose between escaping to her own time and saving a girl who looks remarkably like Nève. Why is she trapped in the eighteenth century? Will she be able to save this stranger, so quickly becoming a friend? And where does Tante Perle fit in with all this?

How did we do? (It was a bit of a collaborative effort between me and my fan-tabulous editor, Penelope.)

character: Meg loves singing and dancing and dreams of performing in the Acadian Star competition
conflict: But instead, her Tante Perle whisks her away to the 18th century Acadian Deportation
hint of outcome: Will Meg stay to help the deportees or escape back to her own time?
personality: Mystery, conflict, adventure, just like the book! (I hope <s>)

What about you all? Can you break down your pitch in this way? Any words of wisdom to add to my percolating theory? Do I at least get bonus points for having it colour-coded??

**Please visit Christy’s Creative Space for more tips on the what/when/where and how of pitching. Fabulous!



Date: Friday August 15, 2008
Posted in: Uncategorized

It’s been a lo-ong time since I’ve posted and I’m feeling like a vewwy bahd blogguh, so I thought I’d pop in to debrief.

Summer’s been busy with a whole lot of travelling, kid-related activities, book-related activities and good ole’ fashioned fun. I spent a month in Nova Scotia, visiting, and managed to pop into a couple of bookstores to introduce myself and my new book coming out this fall (have you heard??) :-) If you’re ever in Halifax, and you should go, I mean now!!, well not really now, you can finish reading this post first, if you want, and then I guess you should pack, and you should fly PORTER. Really! Great airline!

But if you should find yourself in Halifax, dew drop inn to see my new friend Lisa (I missed owner Trudy) at WOOZLES book store.

What a total gem of a children’s bookstore and the staff are super, super nice. They even knew me (well kinda) and had heard of my book (ACADIAN STAR for those who are coming into this conversation a bit late, welcome, welcome, grab a chair, oh wait, I’ll shove those toys and books over, there, comfy? Good.)

Been working on a few projects.  A couple of picture books keep tugging me back so I’ve been trying to polish those until they sparkle. Got a lovely note about an early chapter book concept that will now be revamped as a longer chapter book for another look. Was struck by an idea for a secondary plotline that will do just nicely (tank you vedy mulch). Meanwhile, my YA is waiting in the wings and will probably have to sit tight until the chicklets are back in school before I can give it some much needed attention.

Fabulous news on the ACADIAN STAR front. I’ve turned in everything from my end, the layout has come back from the designer and looks A-MAZ-ING! Nimbus has done a fantastic job, turning all my pixels into a really great looking book. So now, it’s off to the printer and I’ve been told that I should be receiving my author copies some time in October.

So guess what????

I will be having contests, baby. Oh yeah!! As soon as I have those books in my hot little hands, I’ll be giving them away, right here!! I can’t wait.  So stay tuned and in the meanwhile, FLY Porter*, SHOP Woozles** and enjoy the rest of your summer!

*How many times do you have to link to an airline before they offer to sponsor your trip for your first ever book launch? Heehee…

**Linking to an amazing independent children’s bookstore is just plain fun and my good deed for the day :-)