Me: (Enjoying a relaxing shower while keeping an ear out for the ruckus downstairs)

Little M: (runs into the bathroom) Hello mommy, we’y wunning fwum the bad man outside.

Me: !! Is there someone outside???

Little M: (sits on the toilet) We’y just pwetending to be spies. (grunt) Bwandon in my class is WEALLY a spy.

Me: (relieved and lathering) Oh. Is that right?

Little M: (more grunting) I know because he told me he’s a spy. He spies on his bwudder.

Me: (rinses and repeats) That’s nice. (Suddenly the water sears a layer of skin off my back) ARGHHH!!

Little M: Oh, sowwy mommy. I flushed.

Me: (regains sensation) That’s okay, sweetie. Just remember for next time.

Little M: I’m washing my hands!

Me: (moves away from the stream of water) Okay.

Little M: Whey’s the towel to dwy my hands?

Me: (settles back into my relaxing shower, remember?) They must be all in the laundry. Just use daddy’s.

Little M: Oh, yeah. He’s in New Yoke. He won’t need his towel.

Me: That’s right. But he’ll be back on Friday.

Little M: But if daddy’s in New Yoke, who’s going to do the laundwy?